The last two Sundays, at church, I've sung "I am free" and I feel like a big fat liar. I have the Power within me to be free yet I'm unwilling to exercise that Power. Why do we do that? We're told "fear not, for I Am with you" yet we continue to construct these elaborate fear fortresses that we, somehow, believe are protecting us.
We build walls around our heart to protect us from, what could be, God's abundance for our lives. Foolishly we believe that we have control over, and that we are better equipped to manage, our lives better than the One who granted us life in the first place. I'm tired of being afraid of His potential blessing. I'm tired of being afraid of exposing myself. I'm tired of sitting back and watching life pass me by because I'm unwilling to "Man Up". I'm tired of allowing fear of failure to roadblock God's intentions for my life.
I read a quote the other day from Bill Cosby. It said something to the affect of "decide that you want something more than you're afraid of it." Honestly, I don't know how to get to that place. I believe that placing my trust in the One who has all power and strength is the key, but I feel like I haven't found the door to unlock. I've allowed myself to stand behind my self made walls so long that I've forgotten what the free world looks like and how to navigate through it.
What is quite amusing to me is the fact that I'm willing to expose all of this to the faceless masses on the internet, yet to those who I find most important I'm unwilling. This is the twisted and warped mind in which I live. I want to be transformed by the renewing of my mind so that I can make the choice for freedom in my life.
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