His faithfulness, love, and provision still amaze me

Boy was yesterday an exciting day. Two job interviews (one of which lasted two hours), one job offer (which was difficult to not accept after being somewhat unemployed for 9 months), and a bible study that was like nothing I’d experienced before. It has been breathtaking to watch the Lord move in my life so profoundly in the last couple of months.

In all of this it has been friends, both new and old, whom God has used to draw me closer to Him. I am grateful beyond words for all of the encouragement, prodding, advocating, and love that has been shown to me. There are a couple of people for whom words cannot express my love and gratitude for. You’ve been instrumental in the direction my life has taken recently and I’m excited for what God has in store. I’ll not embarrass you by mentioning your names but it is my hope that you already know who you are. I would surely be lost had you not been obedient to God’s leading in your life.

So, here is where I sit. The one job offer that has been officially made is with a company that I have been doing work for over the last nine months. It’s a small company that is rapidly growing with some fantastic people whom I care for and respect. The two hour job interview, I was informed this morning, went very well and they are interested in moving forward. I’m waiting on a background check and then I will know for certain if there is an official job offer. When it comes to past work history and criminal record I’ve got no concerns but you never know where these background checks might go. I’m excited by the opportunities with this company. The most appealing aspect of the company is that it is about more than a pay check. It’s about helping people in the midst of a, potentially, life threatening need. That is something that is extremely exciting to me. When it comes down to it I’ve got a tough decision in front of me but it’s God’s leading that I am seeking in this. How exhilarating it is to surrender control and allow God to do His work in my life.

On top of all this I attended an amazing bible study last night that could have gone on for hours longer. For those of you that were thee, thank you. What an blessing to be in the presence of God’s people earnestly seeking Him. To break bread in “the upper room” with you all was an experience beyond words. I’d also like to thank our faithful sister for the use of her apartment. Sister, you are the bomb! You gave us a glimpse of what it meant in Acts when Luke said “All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had.” Thank you for your faithful service in Christ.

So that is that. Right now I wait, and I do so as patiently as I can. My anxieties make that difficult but, as long as I keep my eyes stayed on Him who is above all things, He will give me perfect peace because I trust Him. Isaiah 26:3

Just a few hours...

So, I'm only a few hours away from my job interview. It could actually be a double header. I'm working at another place that let me know they were officially considering me for a position. If they've sorted the details out they may want to sit down and discuss it. An interesting position to be in after 9 months of walking through a dessert.

I'm feeling pretty confident. I'm not certain that I will get either job but I'm confident that I'm going to be walking in His will. He will be guiding my every step through the day. I'm seeking His will in this process and that is where my confidence rests.

A friend of mine made a comment to me that I hope was just a friendly jab. She said that if I end up working for this company that I'm interviewing for I will learn to handle failure. I'm not sure what was meant by it. I'm thinking that she was being funny. I'm hoping so at least.

It's going to be an exciting day but, honestly, it's the bible study I'm attending that I'm most looking forward to. I hope that is a good sign. OK, I'm certain that is a good sign. It means that, above all else, I want to be near to Him. What a great place to be. God, I pray that not a step that I take is taken without Your leading. You are a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.


-- Mobile Post

Maybe I'm not allowing myself to be free

The last two Sundays, at church, I've sung "I am free" and I feel like a big fat liar. I have the Power within me to be free yet I'm unwilling to exercise that Power. Why do we do that? We're told "fear not, for I Am with you" yet we continue to construct these elaborate fear fortresses that we, somehow, believe are protecting us.

We build walls around our heart to protect us from, what could be, God's abundance for our lives. Foolishly we believe that we have control over, and that we are better equipped to manage, our lives better than the One who granted us life in the first place. I'm tired of being afraid of His potential blessing. I'm tired of being afraid of exposing myself. I'm tired of sitting back and watching life pass me by because I'm unwilling to "Man Up". I'm tired of allowing fear of failure to roadblock God's intentions for my life.

I read a quote the other day from Bill Cosby. It said something to the affect of "decide that you want something more than you're afraid of it." Honestly, I don't know how to get to that place. I believe that placing my trust in the One who has all power and strength is the key, but I feel like I haven't found the door to unlock. I've allowed myself to stand behind my self made walls so long that I've forgotten what the free world looks like and how to navigate through it.

What is quite amusing to me is the fact that I'm willing to expose all of this to the faceless masses on the internet, yet to those who I find most important I'm unwilling. This is the twisted and warped mind in which I live. I want to be transformed by the renewing of my mind so that I can make the choice for freedom in my life.

There Is A Love

There is a Love that grips my heart
That makes me laugh and cry
It’s the purest Love I’ve ever known
For reasons I know not why.

He dances through my every thought
And stirs my very soul
He paints the rising and the set
Of the sun with streams of gold.

There is a Love that grips my heart
That makes me laugh and cry
It’s the purest Love I’ve ever known
For reasons I know not why.

No eye has seen, no ear has heard
No mind has ever conceived
The Love the Father has for me
That daily I receive.

There is a Love that grips my heart
That makes me laugh and cry
It’s the purest Love I’ve ever known
For reasons I know not why.

My Jesus dwelt and walked with us
Through our pain and all our strife
God sent His Son to die for me 
To cleanse me and give me life.

There is a Love that grips my heart
That makes me laugh and cry
It’s the purest Love I’ve ever known
For now I know just why.

The Most Beautiful Girls In The World

So, my sister took this picture of my nieces the other day. She sent it in to WMUR for a "Day In The Life" piece that was bein run on NH Chronicle. It made the WMUR web site but never made it to the broadcast. From what my sister told me, it only took three seconds for this perfect picture to happen. We were all a little disappointed but I'm sure they had an awful lot of pictures to choose from. But, let's be honest, this picture and these two girls have to be about the most beautiful girls you've ever seen. I'm not saying that your girls aren't beautiful, I'm just sayin...

Worth A Thousand Words

Sept. 9: Obama addresses a joint session of Congress on health care at the U.S. Capitol in Washington. (AP)

OK, I want to start off by saying that this is not going to be a rant about anything political. I’ve got my views and opinions on the President, Vise President, and Speaker of the House. Expressing those views is not something that I want to do, at least not today. Today, this post is about this picture. It’s an AP photo I grabbed from Foxnews.com. The purpose of this post is to express how struck I am by this photo. It says, if a picture can, a whole lot. They say a picture is worth a thousand words and I doubt that I am the first to offer a small percentage of those words. I’ll let you read what you’d like from this image. You’re probably a pretty intelligent person. In fact, if you’d like to caption the photo you could do so by posting a comment. I’d love to read what you have to say. I won’t even pass judgment “Trust Me!”

Emotions, Depression, and Hope

A friend of mine raised an interesting question on facebook the other day. She had read an article that stated “Depression is often evidence of emotional surrender." and was curious if her friends agreed or disagreed and why or why not. My response was as follows.


Because of my personal, daily struggles with depression I don't know that I would say that it's surrender to emotions as much as it's a submission to self. Emotions are indicators of something. In the case of depression, for me, my emotions are a reaction to an inward focus on myself and my circumstances. I feel most free of my depression when I am focused on God and on others. I can be saddened by the plight of the oppressed but it doesn't become depression until I turn that focus to myself and make it about me and what I see as my inability to make a difference. Depression caused by anxiety may be a little different. In that case it may be an inability to surrender control which probably falls back into the case of submitting to the self. This isn't the case for everybody but I think that by and large it's a matter of being consumed with the self. Our fallen nature tends to lead us to be self focused.


Depression is a response that we might have to our emotions. God actually says quite a bit about emotions. You can ready a terrific article by Kenneth Ebert http://providencebf.blogspot.com/2008/11/developing-biblical-view-of-emotions.html My pastor as been speaking on the slaying the giants that we face in our lives; depression is certainly a giant that many of us face. It’s a daily struggle with getting caught up in our own feelings of insignificance, purposelessness, brokenness, inferiority, and emptiness among other things. It can also be anxiety related to finances, relationships (or there lack of), work (or there lack of), and any number of other challenges that we may make larger in our minds than they actually are.


More often the way we view these things is irrational. It’s the old story of “chicken little” who, while eating lunch, is knocked on the head by an acorn which leads the chicken to believe the sky is falling. The chicken sets off to tell the king of the impending doom and, on the journey, the chicken recruits other animals to join in on the journey of warning. So often, we who struggle with depression, do something similar in our minds. We see the worst case scenario and set off to convince our self that the world is coming to an end. The more we walk down that path the doom gets larger and larger. We talk our self into believing that the, perceived, problem is beyond hope. We feed our broken natures desire to focus on our self; to make us the center of the universe. As long as we focus on our self the bigger the giant becomes.


So how do we keep from getting dragged down that road? How do we recognize those burdens as a challenge but not allow it to consume us? I believe a change in focus must occur. Our eyes need to turn from our self and the things that burden us to something greater. For me, that which is greater is the creator God who formed me and created the universe and is in complete control at all times. The God who came to the earth, in human form, and told us “Come to me, you who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28. He will give us rest from those irrational and self destructive thoughts if we are willing to surrender to Him and accept the peace that He gives freely; “the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” Philippians 4:7. That verse, alone, is a source of great peace. It’s a comfort to know that by lifting up, through prayer, our anxieties and sorrows to God, He will replace those things that consume us with the peace of God and will protect us from the mess that our hearts and minds can make for us.


Paul said in Philippians 3:13-14 “Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” I too say the same. I’ve not got it all together. I struggle daily with those things that consume me. I get wrapped up in the things from the past and the furture and by doing so I squelch the flame within me that is to shine His glory. As difficult as it is I do press on toward the goal and I surrender those past hurts and failings to Him. I submit my life to Him as an offering and surrender my future to His control. He is bringing me to a place, daily, where I am more free of those things that bind me and better able to remain focused on Him and His purposes for me. The light that He offers is a flame that, if we allow, will illuminate every dark place that we may find ourselves and will shine out and illuminate the world around us as well. In order for that to happen it means surrendering to He who is greater rather than submitting to our self.

A strangely thought provoking lyric

I heard a great lyric tonight. It was from Phil Stacey's self titled debut album. I know it came out a couple of years ago but I'm just getting around to listening to it. The song is called "Looking Like Love" It's got a pretty cool toe tapping country rhythm. Anyway, the lyric I heard just made me smile as I was driving in my car. The song is one of those retrospective love songs, looking back on the wonderful times of young love.

I was thinking back to my first girlfriend and the strange and wonderful feelings of young & naive "love". When you're 18 with little experience in the world you don't really know what love is. But at that time it is the most intoxicating feeling that there is. When you're with the person it seems like time stands still and when you're not it seems to do the same thing. The anticipation of being with that person is almost tangible. The feeling of driving in the car, so close that there is no need for a passenger seat and when you hold hands you would swear that their hand was custom fit for yours.


Young love is a beautiful thing and when I see folks in there 70's that appear to feel the same way I can't help but smile. The folks that are veterans to retirement who still get that silly grin when they talk about their special someone. That couple at the retirement home that makes a point, every day, to walk around the pond holding hands. They never speak a word but the look on their faces reveals the love that they have for each other. I'm certain that their years together have not been perfect. They've seen their fair share of trials, a miscarriage, a wayward teen, time when the other seemed so distant. Through it all love endured. In fact it was love that carried them through. We have the idea that love is this warm fuzzy feeling that we have inside. I'm not saying that we don't get a warm fuzzy feeling when we're "in love" but that isn't what love is. Love is what's left when those "young love" feelings go away. Love is what happens in spite of everything.

The bible says "4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." 1 Corinthians 13(NLT). I'm particularly fond of verse 7 "Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” When I first started reading these verses it was suggested to me that I replace the word love, in these verses, with the name of Jesus. Wow, how powerful! Jesus is patient and kind. Jesus is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. He does not demand His own way. He is not irritable, and He keeps no record of being wronged. 6 He does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Jesus never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." Jesus is love. He is the human manifestation of God's love for His creation; the part of God that came down to earth to live among us and feel the pain we feel. Even to endure the pain of the cross. I still have a difficult time wrapping my mind around that fact that God loved me so much that He sent His Son to die in my place. That is a love that I hope to pass on to whomever I come into contact with. How can I not, that love lives within me.

I'm not perfect and I often get in the way of that Love, but the more I come to know that Love the more that Love spills out in what I do. It's my hope that when people look at me they don't see me but see the One who lives within me and is the only one who truly knows what love is and how to love.

Oh yeah, so the lyric that got me thinking. Here it is, "And I kissed you on your smile.". Have you ever known someone whose smile was so infectious that you thought, maybe if I kiss their smile I might catch what they have? That's what I hope people think when they see the love in me, that if they come in contact with me they might "catch" the Joy and Love that is within' me.